Short Funny Quotes and Real Stupid Questions

Enjoy this list of short funny quotes about states. These are stupid questions that have actually been asked by adult American citizens.

We wish we were kidding, but we're not.

These questions were discovered through internet searches of every U.S. State, along with quite a few phone calls to hotels and travel bureaus. But before you go making fun of ignorant tourists (known to locals as "tourons"), be aware that just as many of the questions below are asked by local residents, upon meeting someone from another state.

People from most parts of the world will have a good laugh here and be reminded, once again, of their intellectual superiority over we, the people of the dumbed-down United States. As for us (and that means U.S.), read 'em and weep, America! Or, failing that, have someone read them TO you.

Feel free to submit your own stupid questions by way of this website's contact page. The best ones will be added to our list. We promise not to mention any names. 

Short Funny Quotes by State


What time do they turn on the Northern Lights?

Does Alaska have a president?

Do Alaskans really live in igloos?

ARIZONA (quotes from the Grand Canyon)

How long did it take them to dig the Grand Canyon?

We just bought 2 tickets for the elevator to the bottom. Where is it?

Does the mule train have air conditioning?



Do people in Arkansas have grammar?

Is Kansas part of Arkansas, or is Arkansas part of Kansas? 


Is everyone there a vegetarian?

Are clothing-optional resorts clean enough for my child?



Does everyone ski to work?



Is everyone there all rich and stuck up?

How do they know what sports teams to root for?



Is Delaware a state?

Is Delaware in Maryland?



Where do people in Florida go on vacation?

Why do so many people in Florida talk like they're from the south?

Is a giant mosquito really the state bird?


Do Georgians speak Russian?

Why was Georgia on Ray Charles' mind?

Do special ed schools in Georgia offer banjo lessons?


Can Hawaiians speak English?

How long does is take to drive to Hawaii?

Why does Hawaii seem so Americanized?

How do they wash their grass skirts?



Do people in Idaho ever eat pasta?

Are African Americans allowed in?


Do people in Illinois pronounce the S?

Is Illinois near Chicago?



Do people in Indiana really churn their own butter?

Do people in Indiana really live in barns?



Why do politicians and TV producers care so much what these people think?

Is cow tipping a sport?


Was the real Dorothy really from Kansas?

How do people in Kansas have any idea where they are?

Do people in Kansas have tornado prevention insurance?

Do people in Kansas like being backwards, or can they just not help it?


What color is blue grass?

Are the people from the mountains of eastern Kentucky really born with one leg shorter than the other? 

Are there any book stores in Kentucky?

Does Kentucky have the internet?



Do people from Louisiana really talk like that?

Do people in Louisiana know what snow is?

Are the crocodiles tame?


Do people in Maine wear watches?

Do people in Maine eat lobster every day?

When you were there, did you live in a lighthouse?



That's in DC, right?

Do people in Maryland eat anything besides crab cakes?



Do people who live there know how to spell it?



Are foreign cars allowed in Detroit?

Why do people from Michigan point to their hand to show people where they live?

Do people in Michigan really look like pez dispensers? 



Do people in Minnesota complain about the cold weather?

Does Minnesota have polar bears?

Why do they drive so slow when there's nothing to see?



Do kids in Mississippi go to school?

Do people in Mississippi know about computers?

What state do people in Mississippi make fun of? 



Do people in Missouri pronounce it Missour-AH?

Did St. louis get the idea for the arch from McDonalds?


Do people in Montana need heat?

Do people in Montana shoot bison for dinner?

Do people in Montana, like, not go anywhere?




Does Nebraska have indoor plumbing?

Do Nebraskans eat corn at every meal?




Does everyone in Nevada gamble for a living?

Is there any water there?




Do people in New Hampshire have jobs?

Where's Old Hampshire?




Is that where Jersey cows come from?

Is New Jersey jealous of New York?

Do people in New Jersey really pronounce it "Noo JOY-zee?"




Does anyone there speak English?

Are all the houses made of dirt and clay?

Do people from New Mexico need green cards?




Do New Yorkers really curse people out for no good reason?

How many times a day does the average New Yorker get mugged?

Is there anything to eat there besides pizza, bagels, and half-sour pickles?

(quote from Niagara Falls): How much are tickets for the barrel ride?




Why do they call it North Carolina when it's not really that far north?

Where's just-plain Carolina? 




Are there any actual people in North Dakota or are they just Canadians?




Why do they all still wear Ohio State stuff when there's no game going on?

When's Amish season?




Do people in Oklahoma just complain all the time?

Do all Oklahomans raise buffalo?

Do people in Oklahoma know about pro football?




Are people from Oregon friendly?

Why do they bother having beaches when it's always so gray and cloudy?




Does anyone live in Philadelphia on purpose?

Is everyone in Pennsylvania Dutch?




What state is that in?

How long does it take to get there by boat?




What does possum taste like?


Is tumbleweed really the state flower?

Does South Dakota have a Starbucks?


Are there any liquor stores or does everyone just make their own?

Is there discrimination against hillbillies in Tennessee's job market?


Do people in Texas go in the Ocean?

Do Texans speak Mexican?

Do Texans really have cattle and oil wells in their back yards?


Do men in Utah have, like, seven wives?

Do you have to turn Mormon to move there?


Does everyone in Vermont live in a cabin?

Can you buy maple syrup in Vermont or do you have to make it yourself?


Are people from Virginia called Virgins?


Did early Native Americans in Washington invent a special dance to make it STOP raining?


Have you ever been to East Virginia?


What can they possibly do with all that cheese?


Is Cowboy a real job?

Is your home on the range?

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